Iridescent
by AprilRyanMyFriend
Summary: Revan's memories are breaking through the Jedi Master's barrier and she tries to make sense of them as she walks the surface of Dantooine after its destruction by Malak. Songfic for Iridescent by Linkin' Park. FemRevan/Bastilla relationship


**Author's Note: This was written for a song fic challenge with my friends SomethingIDontKnow and BlackCat12. Mean as a one-shot, but I'm considering doing a multi-chapter fic from before this and through to the end of the game.**

_**Italics**_** are for lyrics and thoughts.**

**Bold is for flashbacks.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Knights of the Old Republic.**

**Song used is Iridescent by Linkin' Park**

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><p><em>When you were standing in the wake of devastation<br>When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown  
>With the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now<br>You were there and possibly alone_

A lone robed figure, with a hood hiding its face, walked through the ruins that were once the Jedi Conclave on Dantooine. Bodies littered the ground, many completely unrecognizable. The figure picked its way through the debris until it reached the massive doors that led inside, blocked by massive pieces of fallen stone. With a quick wave of a hand, the rocks were thrown away with no regard to where they landed. With the door clear, the person threw open the doors and made its way through the partially collapsed hall until reaching the courtyard.

The carnage was worse here. The mangled bodies of Younglings, Padawans, and Jedi Knights were strewn about, their blood painting the stones a dark red. Slowly, the figure walked amongst the bodies, studying them, but not truly seeing them. The person saw not the bodies that littered the courtyard, but bodies from years long past. Though the figure walked on the face of Dantooine, it was seeing the rocky destruction that was Malachor V, the densely forested face of Dxun. The bodies were not those of the Younglings or Padawans, but those of the brave Republic soldiers and the fierce Mandalorians mixed in with the bodies of Jedi Knights, their souls gone to rejoin the Force.

_Do you feel cold and lost in desperation  
>You build up hope, but failure's all you've known<br>Remember all the sadness and frustration  
>And let it go, let <em>it go.

Throwing back the hood, the woman turned her face towards the sky, eyes shut, as the memories from the war long past flowed through her, the block that the Jedi Masters had worked so hard to keep crumbling away under the onslaught of what she had done, and failed to do.

She remembered every battle as though she had just fought in it. She felt the anguish of watching the soldiers and Jedi, her friends and comrades, die under her command. She felt the fear as the Mandalorians surrounded them, picking them off one by one. She felt the surge of pride as they drove them back and decimated them.

Looking around the courtyard, she could see the great funeral fires that covered the face of the planets of the Outer Rim after a great, horrid battle. Breathing in she could smell the smoke and burning flesh as the bodies of Republic soldier, Mandalorian, and Jedi alike all burned; the combined light of all the fires burning so brightly threatening to blind her.

She tried to blink away the memories only to have their place taken by other, older ones.

**A young Revan walked purposely through the dark courtyard, headed for the landing field when a young Bastilla caught up to her and grabbed her arm.**

** "You're really leaving to fight the Mandalorians?"**

** Revan nodded, "I am."**

** Bastilla shook her head, "But the Masters forbade us…"**

** "The Masters don't understand!" Revan said angrily, "They may just be on the Outer Rim now, but soon they will start taking over the core worlds; by then it will be too late to stop them."**

** "But why does it have to be you?" The younger Jedi asked, her voice quavering slightly.**

** Revan's face softened and she pulled the smaller woman into a tight hug, Bastilla immediately returned it.**

** She bent her head to speak directly into Bastilla's ear, her voice soft, "It's the Jedi's responsibility to protect the galaxy, if I turn my back on the Republic now, how can I call myself a Jedi?"**

** Bastilla pulled back slightly to look into Revan's hazel eyes, "Being a protector doesn't mean going and getting yourself killed."**

** Revan shook her head this time. "I'm too stubborn to die remember?" She said with a slight smirk, the smirk fading when Bastilla didn't smile, but looked at the ground instead.**

** "Bastilla… please look at me."**

** When she refused, Revan cupped her cheek with one hand, feeling the warm wetness of tears. Pulling her into another hug, she stroked the brunette's soft hair as she cried into her shoulder, just holding her and offering what comfort she could.**

** When Bastilla had quieted, Revan spoke, her words seeming to try and convince Bastilla as well as her.**

** "Just watch, a few months and the war will be over. We will be heroes and the Masters will thank us for saving the galaxy from the Mandalorians. Just a few months and I'll be back," she pulled back, grabbing both of Bastilla's hands in hers, and looked straight into bright green eyes, "and I promise, I will never leave you again."**

** Bastilla searched her face before nodding, "I will hold you to that."**

** Revan smiled and pulled her into a soft kiss, not caring if anyone saw them, just enjoying this moment with Bastilla pressed against her. After what felt like an eternity, she pulled away and started stepping back until only their outstretched hands still touched; then that, too, was gone as their fingers slid past each other and away.**

** The dark haired woman carefully walked backwards, never once breaking eye contact, until she reached the door leading to the landing field. Glancing towards the door, she turned back with a smile, "Keep working on your Battle Meditation, bet it will save my life someday!"**

** With that she pushed through the door and disappeared.**

_And in the burst of light that blinded every angel  
>As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars<br>You felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space  
>No one there to catch you in their arms<em>

The woman fell to her knees; dark hair fell loose from her ponytail, framing her face, as a humorless laugh escaped her at the memory. She pounded her fists angrily onto the stone as more memories rushed through her, mixing with those that the Masters had implanted in her mind. Her vision tinged red around the edges as more of the memories, her memories, clicked into place, many of them involving Bastilla. The memories collided with the ones of Ray Korr, the person the Masters had turned her into, until it was a jumbled mess of confusion between what was real and what wasn't.

"Are you happy?" She screamed at the sky, "If you wanted to punish me it worked! I don't even know who I am…"

She rested her head on the ground, the cool stone contrasting sharply with the fire that burned within her. Anger built within her until it was a raging inferno, the same anger that got her through the war, the same anger that drove her to the Dark Side. Pieces of stone started floating and flying around the courtyard as she started losing control.

"I'm weak; I couldn't even keep my promise to her!"

_Do you feel cold and lost in desperation  
>You build up hope, but failure's all you've known<br>Remember all the sadness and frustration  
>And let it go, let it go.<em>

"**Emotions, like anger, by themselves do not lead to the Dark Side, It's when you let it consume and control you that leads to the Dark Side."**

_Good old Master Bindo_, she though with a smile as she remembered the conversation.

**"Master, how do you keep it from consuming you?"**

** He shrugged. "Let it go," he said simply.**

She took a deep breath as she thought of the Mandalorian War, and all the emotions that came with it. Anger, hate, fear, anguish, pain, desperation, and regret all flowed through her along with some she couldn't begin to put a name to as the images of all the people she saw die, either by her hand or another's, intermixed mixed with the vision of Bastilla's tear stained face as she left that night flashed behind her closed eyelids. The strong emotions all mixed and built until it felt like she was about to drown.

_Let it go  
>Let it go<br>Let it go  
>Let it go<em>

Continuing to take deep breaths, she straightened back up and started letting all the pent up emotion slip away, no longer needing it to fuel her. She didn't realize she was crying until a tear rolled off her face and landed on her hand. As it all drained away, she felt lighter, like a great burden had been lifted. She would be working for a long time on truly letting go of everything, but the process had been started.

Getting to her feet, she truly saw the carnage around her for the first time. Guilt filled her at the knowing that this wouldn't have happened had it not been for her, forgiveness would be a long time coming for this. She bowed her head in silent salute and made her way back out of the Enclave. Once back outside she moved the boulders back in front of the doors and picked her way back to the Ebon Hawk.

Quickly, she walked into the ship, past her companions and into the cockpit. A sigh of relief escaped her when Carth wasn't there. Taking the pilot's chair, she set a course for Korriban, and the last piece of the Star Forge Map.

Watching the stars fly by, a determined look covered her face as she spoke softly to herself, "I am Revan," the look deepened as she thought of Bastilla in Malak's clutches, "and I have a promise to keep."

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><p><strong>Leave a review and let me know what ya'll think and whether I should make this a chapter fic!<strong>


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